I wanted to set the scene a bit with engagement/wedding because often in the story of alcoholism there are investigative queries about the past…..weren’t there ‘signs’ going in? surely there were times when he drank excessively that would give a clue as to what the future held?
The truth is that if there were signs, his friends and I were all too hung-over to recognize them, because frankly we all drank too much back then.
A common misconception with the alcoholic is that they are the party animal. Actually, the hard-core alcoholic is often not the one that will get rowdy or jovial at the party drinking in front of everyone, they will do it on the sly….quietly and deceitfully. They will wait till after the merriment of the party has died down and they will then suck the bottle dry when they get home, in the silence away from public scrutiny. This is their M.O. until they are ‘discovered’.
I also wanted to paint a picture of his upbringing…because again often people think that there must be some sort of deep-seated hard-knock story that drives a person to drink…..nope….he came from money, was athletic, good-looking, smart, no family abuse (although he later claimed mental abuse for being pushed to succeed…well boo-hoo). But this last point fits in perfectly with one of the traits of the alcoholic, it is everyone’s BUT their fault and responsibility.
Interestingly instead of overt alcoholic traits in the early years, what I did take note of was an inherent laziness – not a quality I admire. So when we would wake with hang-overs and feed them with mountains of pancakes, I would then throw on my running shoes and shake it off. He on the other hand would close the blinds and revert to the man cave.