So as I deliver this last line, he stands there and says, “I don’t understand what I have done wrong and why you are so mad, it’s not like I am having an affair or something.” I am momentarily speechless as I try and process the fact that he thinks there are rating levels of badness, ‘affair’ super bad (which is definitely in keeping with my criteria, but spiking water bottle while taking children for a swim…one of which relies purely on floaties and adult supervision……in his mind , not really rateable).
I tell him that he can continue to pack while I am speaking. “Actually you are having an affair and her name is Smirnoff – it is all about lies and deceit.”
I stood so very still for a moment, “you are clearly an alcoholic and have a very very serious drinking problem. What are you going to do about it. If this is who you want to be then we don’t want to be a part of it and I want a divorce.”
I was in this moment trying to come to grips with the fact that I saying these words to someone that I thought I knew and respected…..the person that I married and had a relationship with all these years…who was this that I was talking to?
He looked straight at me and said “I don’t have a drinking problem.” I spittled back with pointing fingers, “you think you don’t have a drinking problem, are you seriously standing there as you have poured vodka into that water bottle and you are saying that you don’t have a drinking problem (insert hushed screams and eyes bulging) you are clearly delusional and you will go to AA or this marriage is over.” He vehemently refused saying that he didn’t have a problem. I pointed out that if his wife of 11 years was standing uttering the word “divorce” due to his behaviour then he sure did.
Now writing this in text it seems that this conversation was long and drawn out, but when the words are flying out in controlled rage it’s all pretty quick.
He then began with a slight beg…a plead….”please don’t make me go, where am I going to go”…..then getting no buy- in from me it turned into a different tone, “I’m not going and you can’t make me”…..”well, actually I can and will”…. as I shoved some of his random crap into a bag and dragged it and him to his car.